Cannonball

Ryan Clark just showed me a picture of a man who appears to have no ears. It actually made me feel sad.

I havent spent the evening being tidy, I have spent it talking on the phone. To Swiftyx2, to Dave, another Dave and to my mother. I badly wanted a bit of Wheatley action too but she’s phoneless. I feel like she needs a hug right now. It’s good speaking to Dave though cos I get to speak to Mark at the same time, he can’t hear me though. Maybe he prefers it that way, Dave is pretty good at passing on the vital information. And I demand to speak directly to Mark for the real gossip as necessary. Two chats for the price of one.

I am convinced my parents are rich now you know. Fancy casually dropping into the conversation that the weekend I am visiting for a dentists appointment that their HOUSE REFURBISHMENT starts. What house refurbishment? But it’s okay, it will be done by the time they go on holiday and the PROFESSIONAL HOUSE SITTERS MOVE IN FOR A MONTH. The WHO!?! Don’t get me wrong, I am chuffed for them, they’re obviously doing something right. I was just oblivious to any kind of riches until recently.

Prior to these revelations my mum had flippantly said she would contribute towards my “self development” if I decided I wanted to do some kind of PR course at uni.. what with getting 50% off fees etc. I was explaining how I felt a bit financially stuck (not just cos I have spent all my money this month honest!), and I would never get to learn more things that cost money, or you knowww learn to drive or anything. When she said that I wanted to go ARRGHRRH A TAXIDERMY COURSE IS ONLY £500!!!!!! But I think she might think that doesnt do anything for my err development. It would mean that I would make use of all the tiny mice that get bought into my house though.  Taxidermy dioramas!

Ohh shitt I should write about The Best Present Ever here. This one isn’t a secret and is gonna be a labour of love and dedication. It’s gonna take probably twice as long as writing that fuggin book. I should get started really, COME ON Kieran! It’s basically going to be an open fronted dolls house taxidermy diorama, starring fucking loads of shrews! Have you ever looked at a shrew properly?!!?

Heee heee!! He’s so cool! You NOSE it! They don’t all have legs that long though, that’s an elephant shrew. Normally they just look like tiny moles, or chubby field mice but with dead long snouts. Hiya snouty.

Anyway, we love them! So there’s gonna be heaps of them in Shrew House. I wish I could find a picture of what I want to make, but maybe it doesn’t exist yet!? maybe I will have to draw it!?

I did find this though!!

It’s from a place called Squirrel Heaven or something in Wisconsin. Cooee Static X. Anyway… what the chuffcock is going on there?!?!~ The horse isnt a once-real horse and yet look at its poor face. NEIIGGHHHHH. Has Hat-On Squirrel got a gun in that holster? It looks like a rabbits foot! or FEET! step back or i’ll feet you right in.

Earlier I told Dave that I’d met Chuck Billy from Testament. I didnt tell him that I was introduced to him by a seven year old girl, although that is what happened. YOU DIDNT!?! YOU DIDNT!! I did! MARK! BECKY MET CHUCK BILLY FROM TESTAMENT!! HE’S GOT MASSIVE HANDS HE HAS, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU MET HIM. I thought I was in a paralell universe or something, where meeting Chuck Billy was actually something good and exciting. I mean, it wasn’t bad and boring, but errr, you know- we just shook hands and said hiya, we’re not friends. Instead, Dave is just insane. I actually think maybe he is, but I can’t tell you about that here. Shh.

I am a new found fan of conducting business in bed. Not in a slut way. I just mean, I like getting into bed to reply to emails on my Blackberry. Tonight I am gonna email a charmer, and aquire the best poster I have ever seen. EVER.