Cannonball

I am wearing high heels that tie with ribbons, and a party dress. My ugly man shoulders mean that this dress does not really work well. However, I have plans for this dress. The first one is to wear it tonight, with the real slut heels, and sit on my sofa with Alice looking fit. I cut a fringe into my hair last night. Fringe not sweep. I am gonna go and dye it now, and make it a bit shorter. I think I can handle a bit shorter. It’s currently in a quiff, which is a good option if your fringe goes wrong you know home-hair-cutters. Mine hasn’t gone wrong. Yet.

Last night I spoke to Mick on the phone in the middle of the night and it made me really happy!
“Hello?”
.
.
.
.
.
“JYEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHBECKERZZZ”

He complained it was too cold. TOO COLD? Too cold for shorts he meant. I am massively looking forward to seeing where he lives. We are gonna go for Taco Tuesdays (they are $1 and Avenged Sevenfold think that’s fine, so, so do I), or we are gonna go to errr whatever the bass player from Korn is called.. he has a sushi place next door called SUSHI ON FIRE. Heck yes! Oh and he is setting me up on a date with Grant Petty. Hells Bells! I am gonna make him take me to the Century Media offices, and I am gonna take some crumpets to that brilliant man Ray! arrgh! Ray!

I am losing my grasp on the English language. I just told someone we could do something a “lot bit”. What does that even mean?!
I am getting in the bath.   
I deserve it.

I wish I understood music better. Like what makes it good, or rather, what makes me like it, because something being good or bad is a matter of opinion. It makes me feel a bit of a dunce. Once Mark Lyons tried to teach me some stuff about Heart Of Glass by Blondie, he likes it because of something to do with rhythms, I like it cos I am in love with Debbie Harry. Oh.

I think it is universally acknowledged that Kelly Osbourne shouldn’t sing. She would probably say so herself. But she did this song right, which makes me really happy. I am sure it’s basically a computer singing, anyway, not even her so that makes it fine. Anyway, it sounds like umm Depeche Mode, Debbie Deb and oh maybe the Human League all in one. Shittt Debbie Deb was a real person, I wonder if she’s on wikipedia. Oh! She really is, but her story made me really sad and I wish I hadn’t read it now.

 Hang on!Where has rich text gone?

Someone wrote this today, it made me smirk in a smug/chuffed way:

Additionally, I want to live in the countryside more than anything. Preferably with Becky, in a self-sufficient kind of way, but with access to a Superdrug (Landrover?) and less smug Tories.

Awhhh.

I think I have said how I have learned loads of stuff this year, haven’t I? Well, yeah 2008 has been often traumatic. I got a finger pointed in my face and shouted at, that was rubbish. I moved in with a boyfriend, and then broke up with him. I thought I had killed someone (for actual real, I was heartbroken). I dealt with the knowledge I am sometimes a selfish idiot, and the knowledge that everyone else is sometimes a selfish idiot too (more often than me too). I got bossed about when I really didn’t need to be bossed, and consequently felt really sad. I have gone the entire year with no contact from one side of my family. I got badly judged!

I have stayed in a mediocre job for an entire year. Oh I’m on to the good stuff now by the way. The mediocre job is a means to an end, and I have a lovely time walking to work. I got one of our bands on the cover of the worst selling issue of a magazine in living memory haha! I went to heaps of ace gigs, including Torche, twice. Now, lets find out if that Mexican really is Mexican or if we’re racists. I have experienced some extreme lust. And The Best Sex Ever. I have gotten myself some right shit hot good friends. I realised I am not always as ugly and gross as I think I am. AND I GOT CURLY HAIR! I didn’t even do anything!!!! I have always wanted curly hair, always alwaysss! Last night I washed it, and then just put some pins in it to hold it off my face, and a few hours later when I looked in the mirror, it was curly. I took a photo! It still is curly! Yesss! Now I can have my hair like Mariah Carey. Oh. Hang on, I’m not 12 anymore.

Oh and I discovered I like coffee.
If it has chocolate in.

Now I am gonna go and meet Kam for MEAT.

And maybe next year I will learn to drive so I can get a Landrover in the countryside.

Yesterday was definitely just One Of Those Days. You know, the ones that defy explaination. I know I said I was working on being more tolerant of people and their idiotic opinions but sometimes it’s hard you know.

Sometimes you have to tell people they deserve better, even if they dont see it. And sometimes you have to command that someone cease being an idiot instantly. My legs shook and my vision went weird. I havent been so angry in a long time actually and it’s not a nice feeling at all. But I know I am right so I don’t feel sad. I feel a bit bad if I made everyone else want to go home though. Ohhh, sorrry.

There were some good bits though, and some just plain ridiculous bits. One time I asked Ryan Clark if he respected me less now. He said no. Then I asked if he respected me MORE now, he said not exactly, more that he was intimidated by me. HA! He also said I looked HOTTTT yesterday, I didnt even, I looked grotty and had  dirty fingernails. I kissed him on the shoulder outside a petrol station. I love him.

I had a good phone chat with Ives earlier. I liked it! We agreed that AUSTRALIA is rubbish. The place, Australia. Obviously, neither of us have been. He gave me some advice, and it wasn’t about boys, it was welcome. I love him too.

I am definitely making a plan, but it’s hard to type right now because my hands are really cold. I might get in the bath to warm up and then do some brilliant work. What’s the word. Prototypes. I am not gonna waste this brilliant week off. Because I have made some promises-  not resolutions- to myself that I am going to do a few things differently as of 2009. I am going to be committed to stuff I havent been committed to before. And I am gonna make a lot more soup. Soup is brilliant. I have just typed that on a whim because I have some soup in my fridge, but I will probably stick to it.

What I am going to listen to in January, is mostly 80’s and 90’s electro music. I am also going to go in my basement and see if I can find the first Limp Bizkit album. Also, I will probably listen to ALL the Moloko I can get my hands on.

If you haven’t heard Roisin Murphy’s version of Slave To Love, I suggest you do that immediately! What if she’s perfect!? She might be you know.

I am not a fan of today, at all. I woke up and looked at my phone, I had no texts. I went back to sleep for a bit and then next time I woke up I had heaps of texts and mostly they made me feel sad.

You can call me a goth if you like, but I quite like Siouxie & The Banshees.

HANG ON. I will finish this later. I am gonna NOT mope, I am gonna go and love someone really really hard, and eat some chicken.
I have some stuff to say though, and some plans to impart.

Hiya. I am on a train, I have been conversing with a cabbie which always makes life better right? I tipped him three english pounds, as not only did he provide witty(ish) banter he also got me to Kings Cross just in time. Sometimes I think I miss public transport, because I totally love listening to other peoples conversations. I have just listened to an old lady emotionally blackmail her son into picking her up from the station. Poor Gary, I bet he’d do it anyway if you just asked! You hag! Anyway, 1st class is better on the way home-complimentary pretzels? Yeah please. Pretzels and strongbow=chuffed. Christmas was pretty good. I got a lot of presents, bizarrely including a take that cd. I don’t like take that! I didn’t ask for it! Baffling. Ryan Clark called me up on Christmas day and got unneccesarily excited over it, so I am passing on my take that cd to a deserving home. Yesterday I got three pairs of shoes. First I got these ones tht tie with ribbons. Oh saucy! Then I found some purple shoe boots. Yes pleeeease. And then I found some full on sex shoes, platforms with a high thin heel. Oh my ruddy god! I am definitely going to…well you know. I decided to make a plan last night. I thought of Greg and how he seemed to go from driving sikth to touring with iron maiden stopping only to ingest multiple drugs with pig destroyer. Hang on!! How did he do that?! He probably definitely didn’t get distracted by talking turkey sandwiches and cum with his Bestie. Oh shit. Everyone wants to give advice about boys don’t they? I told my mum about a boy when explaining my extortionate phone bill. She, like everyone else thinks immediately boyfriend and girlfriend. So I done a good plan and said we couldn’t talk about it in front of sarah…I.e all christmas. Anyway! She bought me a new house phone! I am gonna abuse it right in. Tonight I reckon I am gonna booze with Sooze. Tomorrow I hope to cuddle with Clark. I think I have no good priorities. Am I empty or something? I liked the presents and stuff, I liked icing the christmas cake with my mum. But yeh that’s it. I wanna go home and cuddle the cats and probs just get into bed a bit. I would ideally like to get into bed with someone else, but Falgoust will suffice. I forgot to take marzipan home. AND I didn’t get the russian doll vodka.

I have done some bad errors. Oh!

I have also got some new shoes. I will talk to anyone about the shoes. Not so much about the errors. argh!

Who, really, looked at my blog on Christmas day!?        

I spent my lunchtime looking at old photos. Here are some I like the best. I have done a small story about them. Awh hiya past life.

This was in York, on a tour. We stayed in someones really, really nice house. It had three floors, a massive living room and a cat that could talk- This is her. She is called Belle, and I can’t remember what it is she could say now. But she could talk. It took ages for her to talk to me, apparently because I am southern. Also, I got to sleep in a big double bed, which is nice after sleeping on floors. My friend Jim came upstairs to get into bed with me, but accidentally went into the lodgers room instead.. He made some jokey smutty remarks and fell over a bin before realising I was asleep in the next room down the corridor. OH! How we LOL’d!

This was in a break from my A Level Art Exam. I think the doll was part of my project but I can’t remember why. Tim and Alan who I later lived with, took me into the woods to nail watches to trees. I can’t remember why about that either. I like my face in this. Nice face, young face.

I totally went to Egypt! It was mega! I think the date across the bottom of the photo really adds to the artisticness of the shot, don’t you?! This is Luxor Temple. It was good and an armed policemen took me up an alley, and wouldn’t let Dave follow. OH! No euphemisms, that’s true. Money did change hands, but only because I was confused and basically scared of his gun. Anyway, I also went to Queen Hapsheptsuts temple and pretended I was in Iron Maiden.

These boots belong to Neil Warnock. He workes for The Agency Group and is Dolly Partons booking agent. I went to The Agency Christmas party one year and got pretty drunk and had the best mini food ever! I stayed at a girls house who I had only just met. Oops! Anyway, I got told that Neil Warnock wore cowboy boots every single day. When I saw him across the room I though, as iffff- they look like shoes to me. Neil Warnock is pretty umm serious looking and intimidating, but Jager-bombs make me laugh in the face of intimidation. “Excuse me Mr. Warnock, I am friends with your son, and wondered if I could have a better look at your footwear?” So I did! And chatted to his wife, and bought Krispy Kremes at 2am. Neil Warnock is also the booking agent for Pink Floyd, Level 42, Art Garfunkle, King Crimson and errr Jonathan Ansell, who I went to school with. Lovely time!

Alan Bennett is my gay best friend. This was novel at school, and when we lived together, and he caught crabs. This was one New Years Eve. I lived right by a Pizza Hut on London Road in Brighton so we decided to eat tea there then go to a party. They wouldn’t let us in. So we ate KFC. Yeahhh KFC! Total chicken mess. We went to a party, we kissed at midnight, then we got into bed and cuddled.

This is Falgoust, my cat, and Tim who plays guitar in Architects in my mums front hallway- they had an instant bond. On the way back to Brighton, Dave dropped me at my mums house where I was temporarily living. We had spent the previous night in Mark Swinneys house. Oh Mark Swinneyyyyy! Oh! me and Tim.. And other people. It’s not like we had a romantic night on Swinneys sofa. That was the day that Mark implied I was a prostitute because I worked in Kings Cross. Good one.

This is Dan Shaw, and Tomas the Tour Manager. This was at Supersonic one year. High on Fire, Isis, Final (!!) and Broadcast played. Noone cared about Broadcast apart from Shaw once he’d necked a bottle of wine and gotten aggressive at me. I really, really love Tomas. The first time I met him, he was driving Converge and he tried to fob me off with an artistic lie. HA! Got you in the face with my knowledge of Alphonse Mucha. He is from Prague, Tomas- well, and Mucha, so we had a chat about Prague. It’s really good, you should go if you haven’t already. Tomas is not as cheery as this photo would have you believe, but I do reallllly love him. I saw him at the Packhorse a few months ago and we looked at each other HARD and I said the word “wow”.

Ahhhh in the Lake District, for Alice & Jamies wedding. Hmm. Well I had to share possibly the most rubbish hotel room with Ives. Cheateddddd. He lay on the floor a lot and snored so, so loud. My boots were hurting my feet, so he offered to swap shoes with me- ahh good Bestie. That is what he is doing in this photo you see. I miss Martin, a lot. One time I made him a pecan pie, which took really hours and hours of my life and the recipe involved sweet potatoes, and he never even got to eat any of it. One time he told me I looked like Olly from Johnny Truant. I don’t.

HURRR HURRRR! The Plight came to stay at my house in London. Oliver was driving them and tried to fix a tail light the next day with some paper and sellotape. It definitely didn’t work. On the way out we found a pram, and this happened. Oh! Then we went to the Worlds End, and I met Chris from Carmen for the first time- he is HANDSOME! Anyway, he err facilitated Oliver smashing a pint glass on my barely clad feet, and headbutting me in the face. Drugs are bad, right. Ives then kicked the door in on Oliver taking a shit, and oqdjqwlidj loads of other bad stuff happened, and a boy clawed me in the night.

On this day I went to watch Junior Mastermind being filmed in Manchester. My knees were on national television. I had a rubber beak, which Andrew Maughan used to wear and pretend to be Mortiis. HA! HA!

This is myself and Micks beautiful girlfriend, Lauren. Mick likes this photo, cos he likes… tits. And we have two each. I fell up a kerb on this day and fell right into Mick, who was being asked for his autograph. I was wearing FANTASTIC shoes that day. They were bought in the Office sample sale on Brick Lane. Oh glorious shoe days! London I miss you.

I like even numbers so I will stop after this one. Dan Shaw and Martin Ives. This was after the last ever Beecher show, we went for curry. It was all of them boys, but no Will Shaw, plus me, Martin and hmm I think Anne-So. I felt dead chuffed on this day. It was good. Oh hang on I was pretty drunk too though and cried. Ian Breen cried too, and he didn’t have the same excuses I did. I invented some kind of Beecher game, but I cant remember it now. This restaurant is L’al Quila which in my opinion, is the best one in Rusholme. You get Vimto lollies afterwards- I hate Vimto.

The End.

Hot shit! Did you all want a real update or something? Proper loving blog stats right now; check out how many of YOU checked out ME yesterday. That’s the thing with telling the truth always, people think you will just spill it all out everywhere. It’s not always the case, so HA! Suckers.

I did have a very hot date though. Eating pizza and watching Alan Partridge on a Saturday night. Yepp. That’s not even a lie! That is what happened…and some other stuff.

I think I have all my Christmas presents bought now, except one.. For my step-brother-in-law. I will do that in town in the south tomorrow. I have received some good gifts so far too.. I have been opening them as I am not going to be able to take them all south with me. I got stuff with pumpkins in and magic from Jane. I got make up from Shane & Madoka. I got some err racism from Alice. And obviously the best mug ever to exist from NBF. Urrrr yeah I ended up crying outside Monsoon in town, because of Darren. The idiot, I love him really hard.

I feel like there is some kind of emotion trying to bust out of me, but it could just be tiredness I guess. But it feels like I am going to laugh really hard or cry really hard.. Or maybe just yawn, I dunno. If it’s tears, it’s guaranteed to happen after my horrifical monsterous train journey later. I should be at my mums for 11, and I am gonna eat some crumpets and hug her dead hard. I was massively chuffed to discover I had the foresight to book first class train tickets! Yesss!

Let’s start making plans for ‘09:

-Do a good release show for The Freezing Fog

-Have a lovely time at the Napalm Death show (get more shoes).

-Go bowling with Cannibal Corpse. I might have invented that this was possible, but if it doesn’t happen, I’ll be sad.

-Save a small amount of money to get to LA from Florida

-OH SHIT! FLORIDA! Who cares about that dolphin/theme park nonsense- it’s MEDIEVAL TIMES!

Besides that, I am going to work really, really hard. Not even lying, I am going to make my life go how I want. I just wrote a whole paragraph about Sophie Ellis-Bextor, but deleted it because I sounded like an insane idiot. But basically, I like music more than boys. Mostly. I don’t mean Sophie Ellis-Bextors music. Sometimes, I like boys more than anything in the world. But music is more reliable and enduring isnt it? Am I a massive, sad loser? No way!

My insides are still really angry with me; sudden movements and laughter are really proving a bad idea today.

Today has gone weird. I just got hugged really hard and told that my life was brilliant. My life is brilliant! I do keep saying this, but finally someone recognised it on their own.

Fucking Butcher.

Also, Darren is being defensive on my behalf about my love life and yet at the same time brutalising me by reminding me that I had sex with a rubbish idiot who kept his socks on AND HIS CANNIBAL CORPSE TEESHIRT whilst we had sex. arrgrjhrjrhjqeqjkhqej I totally forgot about that- ON PURPOSE. OK fine, my life isn’t always brilliant.

I really, really fancy the singer from Kings Of Leon. Unfortunately, I reckon loads of other people feel the same. It’s that almost-squeal he does. Well, it makes me want to do all manner of wrong things to him.

All the words about real-life have gone away from my mind. Sorry about that.

Shit, my insides hurt. And now I have to go to fucking Accessorize. I bet Cheryl Cole doesn’t have these problems.

Gutted for her.

I came here to pass some time. I need to go into town, but I am waiting for Lisa Butcher to come and inspect my house. You can’t fuck about with a name like Butcher. I need something to keep me occupied though otherwise I will just fall right asleep. But all of my words have evaporated now. I am listening to Under The Radar. What a fantastic album that is. It reminds me of being err younger. Sometimes I think of stuff from when I was younger and feel dead happy.

But I definitely think life gets better as you get older, for me it does anyway. I think stuff gets harder too… but freedom and brilliance probably has a price. I can’t wait to be old, and wise and live in the countryside, ideally with a pig.

Oh all of a sudden there are boys springing to my defence, when I have nothing that needs defending. It’s quite sweet though.

Oh shittttt. I am in bad trouble. I have a £150 phone bill. Turns out unlimited texts & calls isnt as unlimited as you’d think if you call boys in the middle of the night. I can’t say “I don’t care” cos errr yikes money. But I liked it and I don’t take it back. There was a time I had a THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUND phone bill. Shit, that makes me want to cry even now thinking about it.

This has taken up more than an hour of my life…and the Butcher still isnt here. I have inadvertantly spent a fair while discussing my bad traits with Clark.